Chapter 9 - Kitsugi

Author's note: This chapter contains mature and sensitive themes that may be disturbing to some readers. It is never my intention to trivialize or sensationalize these topics. Reader discretion is advised.

"I'm here for you," Miranda said gently.

She'd followed Mariah to her room. It was obvious something was bothering her. Something that had lain just under the surface, hiding in those nightmares they didn't talk about.

"I know," Mariah said.

"Rocco," Mariah said as she sat down. "He was the sleaziest of Janet's sleazy guys. When I came out... she was so pissed. She said I was sick and wrong, a pervert... a monster... but Rocco, he just laughed and said I just needed to be shown what a Real Man could do."

"That night, he came into my bedroom." she continued, surprised by how calm she felt now, "and he... showed me."

"Oh God," Miranda whispered, tears welling in her eyes. 

"He raped me," Mariah said, the words hurting her throat, "For about a month... I never knew when he would come into my room. Sometimes, if I was quiet, he wouldn't... but... Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I split."

"Please tell me Rocco is rotting in jail," Miranda said.

"He never did a day for it," Mariah answered coolly. "He was a lowlife drug dealer but he knew people. He cut a deal, named names, and walked out."

"That bastard," Miranda hissed.

"Stupidest thing he ever did," Mariah smiled fiercely. "A couple months after Londyn and Danielle took me in, I heard... they fished what was left of him out of  the bay. I guess he named the wrong names."

"It didn't really matter. Even dead, he's still there... in my nightmares," Mariah continued. "It really screwed me up. I got in so much trouble. I sabotaged basically every relationship I had. Dio, I gave Londyn and Danielle such shit after they took me in... but they never gave up on me. And neither did you."

"It's taken a long time... and help from Londyn and Danielle, and a good therapist... not to mention some crazy strega talking me down off that bridge... for me to start to put myself back together. To feel like I'm... worthy," Mariah said. "I am though. I'm... putting myself back together. I am worthy."

"Still, this thing with Orange... it dredged up those nightmares again. I was so angry... about all of it. I guess I've still got some healing to do," she stood, not willing to meet Miranda's eyes. "Well... they say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"Bullshit," Miranda said softly, standing to face her. "It just doesn't kill you. You made you stronger."

"I love you," Mariah sighed, sinking into her arms.

"I love you," Miranda whispered fiercely, "I love you so much... and you are... worthy."

Breathe. Just breathe.

Author's Note: Kitsugi is the art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with gold, creating something beautiful out of something broken. 

For everyone who has ever picked themselves up and kept going after a trauma, you made you strong.