Chapter 32 - First Light

The sound of the TV washed over her. Students talked and laughed, lived and loved, around her. It all seemed oddly hollow, distant. Was she really part of their world?

Maybe she should go home and watch the aurora shimmer in the Realm's otherworldly sky. Maybe that was were she belonged.

"Can we talk?" Mariah slipped onto the stood opposite her.

"I tried," Miranda replied sourly. "You said... let me see if I have this right... that I'm jealous of your extortion racket and that I should be satisfied with all the sex I'm having with Genie."

"OK, you remember the first time we went to the Charity Gala?" Mariah asked.

"What?" Miranda blinked.

"The first time we went to the Gala," Mariah said, "and you introduced me to your friend Jenny."

"Who you immediately accused me to sleeping with," Miranda said bitterly. "I swear Mariah... I swear... the next person you accuse me of hooking up with, I am actually going down on them! If I am going to suffer for it, I should at least get to enjoy it."

"O... OK... deal," Mariah stammered.

"What?!"

"I'm an idiot!" Mariah blurted. "A fucked up, insecure idiot. I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have been jealous. I shouldn't have let myself get so deep in Uncle Nick's business."

"You mean Uncle Nick's organized crime ring," Miranda snapped.

"Madonna! Could you maybe keep that down?" Mariah snapped back. "These stronzos are serious about the whole Code of Silence thing... and yes," she added in a whisper, "the organized crime ring. I shouldn't have gotten involved in that... and everything else that came out of that. I fucked up. I really, really fucked up. I'm sorry, OK. I'm sorry."

"Mariah, I don't..."

"I know," Mariah said. "I know. 'I'm sorry' isn't enough... but I've got to start somewhere."

She took a deep breath, "Miranda, have I lost you?"

"I don't know," Miranda sighed. "I... I love you... but I don't know."

"OK," Mariah nodded. "OK, I'll take that... because it would be worse if you did know and that meant I had. I don't want to lose you." 

"I don't want to lose you either," Miranda shuddered.

"We'll figure this out," Mariah said. "I don't know how, but we'll figure this out."

"Together," Miranda said.

"Ummm, you didn't really mean it did you?" Mariah asked. "About going down on the next person I get jealous about... right?"

Miranda just looked at her.

"Right?"

Chapter 31 - Gloaming

Miranda couldn't remember the last time she'd really slept, the last time she'd eaten. Gwen, she knew, sometimes went days without food or sleep and never seemed to suffer for it. Of course, Gwen was probably crazy.

Maybe, Miranda thought, I'm losing my mind along with my heart.

"Hey, girlfriend," Aadi chirped, then stopped in their tracks. "Oh, no... what's happened?"

"I... I'm losing her, Aadi," Miranda sobbed. "I'm losing her and I can't... I can't bear it."

"Oh darling," Aadi soothed. "Aadi's got you. We'll get through this."

"I don't know Aadi," Miranda sighed. "She won't talk to me. She keeps..."

"Staying out all night, hanging with the Bad and playing in traffic," Aadi nodded. "We know, girl. We know."

"What am I going to do?" Miranda sobbed.

"Girl, you're going to wipe off those tears, fix your makeup and go show the world you are a strong bee'yotch," Aadi said firmly. "You get to class. No, get. Trust Aadi, honey. Aadi's got you."

She's got Genie now. Wake up, girl. Stay quiet, stay still. She's jealous of you. Show you what a real man can do. No. She's doesn't love you. No. You love this. NO!

Breathe. Just Breathe.

Miranda I need to... Oh, Madonna, what have I done?

I've lost her, Mariah thought. 

The fog of fading nightmares and stabbing pains in her head that seemed to plague her every morning were almost a welcome distraction from the reality she'd woken to. Almost. A little pick-me-up would clear the fog and quiet the pain, for a little while. That's what she needed, just a little pick-me-up and maybe some breakfast.

"Girlfriend, I ought to Smack you," Aadi dropped into the chair with their dancer's grace. 

"I'm having a rotten morning," Mariah sighed. "What do you want, Aadi?"

"Good music, a comfortable running shoe you can wear with a nice suit, true love," Aadi replied blithely. "Let's talk about that last one..."

"Go away," Mariah groaned. She just wanted her pick-me-up. Couldn't they leave her alone until she'd had it.

"No," Aadi answered easily.

"Aadi," she started.

"Girlfriend, you need to shut up," Aadi said firmly. "You are about this far from wrecking a great thing... and if you're going to do that, you're going to do it clear... and first you're gonna Listen."

"Look, if she can't handle..." Mariah started.

"Handle what?" Aadi snapped. "You using? You running with Organized Crime? Or just you acting like a mean bitch?"

"She told you?" Mariah snarled.

"What? I'm not blind and I am not a sweet little innocent, like Genie. I can plug Nick Alto into the web and come up with the Families," Aadi scoffed. "Even innocent little Genie can see you're getting high... and you have never kept a lid on the mean bitch."

"Fine, you got me," Mariah replied. "I'm a screw up, a crook, a worthless puttana."

"Girlfriend, if that was true why would I be wasting my morning with you?" Aadi asked. "You are in trouble, no doubt. You dug yourself a nice deep hole and crawled in. Now you've got to decide if you're going to keep digging or you're gonna climb back out."

"I can't!" Mariah sobbed. The pain in her head was blinding, roaring. "I'm no good, Aadi." The hateful whispers of her nightmares hissed in her waking mind. "I'm no good to anyone." They'd been there, waking and sleeping for weeks. "You shouldn't waste your time with me. She should leave me. I'm... " Roaring, like the waterfall. "... a monster."

"No, honey," Aadi said softly. "You're not."

"You are grade A fucked up, right now," Aadi continued gently. "No doubt... but you don't have to stay in that hole, sister. You need to stop listening to those voices... the ones that try to tear you down."

"What?" Mariah looked at Aadi through her tears.

You're a pervert. Wake up, girl. Mariah...

"Don't listen to them," Aadi repeated.

You little monster. Show you what a real man can do. Come to me.

"Don't let them define you," Aadi continued. "You define you, girl. No one else. You choose." 

She couldn't see through the tears, through the pain in her head.

"You can dig the hole," Aadi's voice, like a lifeline. "or you can climb out. You choose."

Breathe. Just breathe.

Madonna.

One deep, shuddering breath. Another. The pain, which had been threatening to rip her open, like fangs against her skin, broke and bled away.

Breathe. 

"Madonna," she sighed. "Madonna santa. Oh, Aadi, what have I done?"

"Fucked up," Aadi replied, breathing again themselves. Mariah's habitual masks had been ripped away by the violence of her feelings and they had watched, afraid for her, as she struggled with her demons. "But we all fuck up, girl. Now you gotta decide what to do next."

"What about... her and Genie?" Mariah asked, worried. "I mean..."

"Girl, I Am going to smack you," Aadi shook their head. "Genie is with Carlos. I have walked in on them doing things on that couch over there that are going require us renting a steam-cleaner. There is only one girl I have Ever seen Genie make eyes for, and it's not Miranda."

"What? Who?" Mariah blinked.

"Smack. You," Aadi said, exasperated. "You're stalling, girl."

"You're right," Mariah said. "You're right. I... I need to talk to Miranda. I need to... I need climb out of this hole."

"... and you need to get rid of those nasty ass boxers, girl," Aadi shouted as she jumped up and raced out of the room. "They got a hole in them and I do not want to be looking at your bare ass."

"Thank you, Aadi!" Mariah called back.

"I'm gonna smack her," Aadi muttered.

Authors Note:  Gloaming - morning twilight, the first hints of light before dawn

Chapter 30 - Darkness

 "Can we talk?" Miranda asked.

It had been a week since Halloween and their shouting match. A week of strained smiles, polite conversations about nothing and occasion bouts of desperate, passionate sex. 

Nothing had changed.

"I don't know." Mariah said miserably. "What is there to say, really?"

"I'm worried about you," Miranda insisted.

"I know. You said that," Mariah said. "You want me to stop. Stop what exactly?"

"Uh, I don't know... maybe crime!" Miranda gasped. "I think not being involved in crime would be good."

"You don't understand," Mariah sighed.

"Then explain it to me," Miranda pressed.

"I can't," Mariah said, "and I can't just walk away from it... from Uncle Nick, from my crew... I can't."

"Can you... I don't know, cut back?" Miranda said. "Don't stay out so late. Maybe don't get into fights and stuff that will definitely get you arrested."

"I can try to get home earlier," Mariah conceded.

"Maybe stop using," Miranda added.

"It's just a little pick-me-up, to get started in the mornings," Mariah insisted. Then she added, "Which I won't need if I get home earlier, so OK. I promise."

"I love you," Miranda said.

"I love you too," Mariah smiled weakly. "I'm... I'm sorry."

---------------------

"I mean, she's not wrong," Mariah said to Ms. H a couple of nights later. "I am doing too much... and it's stupid to be using." 

"Well, that is true," Ms. H purred sympathetically.  

"I'm sure Uncle Nick will understand," Mariah continued. "I'm not turning my back on the Family, after all. I just need to focus on college."

"Is it college that you're focused on?" Ms. H asked gently. "I mean, of course... you need to focus on what's important. Just, be sure that what you're focusing on is really worth what you're giving to it."

"You think it isn't?" Mariah asked cautiously.

"Well, college is certainly important," Ms. H said, "and, of course, your... friends... are important. Provided they really are your friends and really do feel for you what you feel for them."

"They are. Important," Mariah said.

"Good," Ms. H smiled, rising. "Well, I'll be going."

"Oh Mariah, one more thing," she turned back slowly.

Mariah felt a sudden stabbing headache, that made the room seem to blur and spin. As quickly as it came, it was gone, leaving a sense of peace.

"Come to me, my dear," the vampire purred.

"I wonder," Ms. H continued, "are you sure Miranda is a faithful friend? You've said she's been... doing a lot... with Genie."

"Did I?" Mariah replied. It was so hard to concentrate. "Yes, I did, didn't I?"

"Exchanging those little looks, those secret little jokes," Ms. H whispered. "Little jokes at your expense perhaps."

"In the kitchen," Mariah nodded. "No, I'm... I'm just being jealous again..."

"She's the one who's jealous," Ms. H hissed. "Jealous of you, of your place in the Family. You're not the weak, broken girl anymore. You're protecting Britechester."

"Yes," Mariah sighed. "It's my town. I protect it."

"She doesn't love you. Not like I do," Ms. H's voice was so soft, Mariah no longer knew if she heard it or felt it in her mind.

---------------------

"Hey," Miranda greeted her as she got home. "It's late."

"Something came up," Mariah deflected. 

"Are you OK?" Miranda looked concerned. 

"Porco miseria, I'm fine. It's nothing," Mariah said as the thought popped into her head, she is jealous. "I'm doing important things you know."

"Important?" Miranda tried not scoff.

"Si, importante!" Mariah exploded. "You know Ms. Big Time Magical Guardian, you're not the only one who has important stuff. This is my town and I'm actually doing something to protect it."

"Seriously?" Miranda gasped. "Protect it? How? Extorting money from businesses? Or is the stolen goods you sell that protects people?"

"Dio santo! If it wasn't me, it would be the Landgraabs or someone worse," Mariah shouted back. "What do you care anyway? Porca puttana, don't you and Genie have enough to do together to keep you satisfied?"

"I can't," Miranda sobbed. "I can't talk to you when you're like this. I... I can't do this anymore."

"Al diavolo!" Mariah shouted. "I'm going to bed!"

Madonna, she thought as she stormed away, what have I done?