Chapter 31 - Gloaming

Miranda couldn't remember the last time she'd really slept, the last time she'd eaten. Gwen, she knew, sometimes went days without food or sleep and never seemed to suffer for it. Of course, Gwen was probably crazy.

Maybe, Miranda thought, I'm losing my mind along with my heart.

"Hey, girlfriend," Aadi chirped, then stopped in their tracks. "Oh, no... what's happened?"

"I... I'm losing her, Aadi," Miranda sobbed. "I'm losing her and I can't... I can't bear it."

"Oh darling," Aadi soothed. "Aadi's got you. We'll get through this."

"I don't know Aadi," Miranda sighed. "She won't talk to me. She keeps..."

"Staying out all night, hanging with the Bad and playing in traffic," Aadi nodded. "We know, girl. We know."

"What am I going to do?" Miranda sobbed.

"Girl, you're going to wipe off those tears, fix your makeup and go show the world you are a strong bee'yotch," Aadi said firmly. "You get to class. No, get. Trust Aadi, honey. Aadi's got you."

She's got Genie now. Wake up, girl. Stay quiet, stay still. She's jealous of you. Show you what a real man can do. No. She's doesn't love you. No. You love this. NO!

Breathe. Just Breathe.

Miranda I need to... Oh, Madonna, what have I done?

I've lost her, Mariah thought. 

The fog of fading nightmares and stabbing pains in her head that seemed to plague her every morning were almost a welcome distraction from the reality she'd woken to. Almost. A little pick-me-up would clear the fog and quiet the pain, for a little while. That's what she needed, just a little pick-me-up and maybe some breakfast.

"Girlfriend, I ought to Smack you," Aadi dropped into the chair with their dancer's grace. 

"I'm having a rotten morning," Mariah sighed. "What do you want, Aadi?"

"Good music, a comfortable running shoe you can wear with a nice suit, true love," Aadi replied blithely. "Let's talk about that last one..."

"Go away," Mariah groaned. She just wanted her pick-me-up. Couldn't they leave her alone until she'd had it.

"No," Aadi answered easily.

"Aadi," she started.

"Girlfriend, you need to shut up," Aadi said firmly. "You are about this far from wrecking a great thing... and if you're going to do that, you're going to do it clear... and first you're gonna Listen."

"Look, if she can't handle..." Mariah started.

"Handle what?" Aadi snapped. "You using? You running with Organized Crime? Or just you acting like a mean bitch?"

"She told you?" Mariah snarled.

"What? I'm not blind and I am not a sweet little innocent, like Genie. I can plug Nick Alto into the web and come up with the Families," Aadi scoffed. "Even innocent little Genie can see you're getting high... and you have never kept a lid on the mean bitch."

"Fine, you got me," Mariah replied. "I'm a screw up, a crook, a worthless puttana."

"Girlfriend, if that was true why would I be wasting my morning with you?" Aadi asked. "You are in trouble, no doubt. You dug yourself a nice deep hole and crawled in. Now you've got to decide if you're going to keep digging or you're gonna climb back out."

"I can't!" Mariah sobbed. The pain in her head was blinding, roaring. "I'm no good, Aadi." The hateful whispers of her nightmares hissed in her waking mind. "I'm no good to anyone." They'd been there, waking and sleeping for weeks. "You shouldn't waste your time with me. She should leave me. I'm... " Roaring, like the waterfall. "... a monster."

"No, honey," Aadi said softly. "You're not."

"You are grade A fucked up, right now," Aadi continued gently. "No doubt... but you don't have to stay in that hole, sister. You need to stop listening to those voices... the ones that try to tear you down."

"What?" Mariah looked at Aadi through her tears.

You're a pervert. Wake up, girl. Mariah...

"Don't listen to them," Aadi repeated.

You little monster. Show you what a real man can do. Come to me.

"Don't let them define you," Aadi continued. "You define you, girl. No one else. You choose." 

She couldn't see through the tears, through the pain in her head.

"You can dig the hole," Aadi's voice, like a lifeline. "or you can climb out. You choose."

Breathe. Just breathe.

Madonna.

One deep, shuddering breath. Another. The pain, which had been threatening to rip her open, like fangs against her skin, broke and bled away.

Breathe. 

"Madonna," she sighed. "Madonna santa. Oh, Aadi, what have I done?"

"Fucked up," Aadi replied, breathing again themselves. Mariah's habitual masks had been ripped away by the violence of her feelings and they had watched, afraid for her, as she struggled with her demons. "But we all fuck up, girl. Now you gotta decide what to do next."

"What about... her and Genie?" Mariah asked, worried. "I mean..."

"Girl, I Am going to smack you," Aadi shook their head. "Genie is with Carlos. I have walked in on them doing things on that couch over there that are going require us renting a steam-cleaner. There is only one girl I have Ever seen Genie make eyes for, and it's not Miranda."

"What? Who?" Mariah blinked.

"Smack. You," Aadi said, exasperated. "You're stalling, girl."

"You're right," Mariah said. "You're right. I... I need to talk to Miranda. I need to... I need climb out of this hole."

"... and you need to get rid of those nasty ass boxers, girl," Aadi shouted as she jumped up and raced out of the room. "They got a hole in them and I do not want to be looking at your bare ass."

"Thank you, Aadi!" Mariah called back.

"I'm gonna smack her," Aadi muttered.

Authors Note:  Gloaming - morning twilight, the first hints of light before dawn