The Raven's Apprentice - Second Interlude, Part 1

Ophilia Villa, Willow Creek, 2000

Earlier that evening

"Just don't mention her," Bella said firmly.

"I don't understand," Mortimer objected. "Vlad's a friend. He knew Ari..."

"You're forgetting how... obsessed... he got with her at University," Bella said gently. "She was afraid of him, Mortimer."

"She didn't need to be," Mortimer said defensively.

"It's different for women, Mortimer," Bella said patiently. "Trust me on this, please. Just don't mention Gwen to him. Ari wouldn't want him to know she was here, I know that."

"Alright, Bella," Mortimer sighed. "You're right. I don't always see that side of him. What do we do if he mentions her."

"If he does, just let me handle it," Bella smiled.

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"Viking," a man's voice answered the phone.

"Rose Red," Bella replied. "Confirm secure."

"Line secure," Viking answered.

"Line secure," Bella confirmed.

"So, Bella, rumor has it you're pissing in Section 6's pool," Bjorn said brightly.

"Every girl needs a hobby," Bella smiled. 

"You ever consider taking up lion taming?" Bjorn asked. "It would be safer than making an enemy out of Key."

"I did that fourteen years ago, when I left Section 6," Bella said with confidence she didn't feel.

"I need a favor," she continued.

"I figured this wasn't a social call," Bjorn chuckled, "this being an Agency secure line and all."

"Off the books," Bella added.

"It's never easy with you," Bjorn sighed.

"If you can't..." Bella started.

"Tell me what you need," Bjorn said. "I still owe you for that Tartosa thing."

"You should know better than to turn your back on a swallow with a knife," Bella said.

"What can I say, I have a soft spot for brunettes," Bjorn smiled.

"I don't remember it being soft that often," Bella smirked. 

"What do you need, Agent Goth," Bjorn said with mock seriousness.

"A trail of false breadcrumbs," Bella said. "I've got some Code 5 interest complicating my 'pissing in the pool' situation."

"Jesus, Bella," Bjorn cursed. "Never easy with you."

"I need their attention somewhere else," Bella continued. "I can send you enough for you to lay out a trail, lure them away from me... but it has to be off the books. If Bridges knew there was Code 5 involvement, she might hand the op back to Section 6."

"She should!" Bjorn snapped. "From what I hear, this should already be their op. Add leeches and you are ass deep in shit, Bella, and sinking fast."

"Are you going to help or not?" Bella pressed.

"Of course I'm going to help," Bjorn snarled. "Send me your info, I'll lay out your breadcrumbs and lure the bloodsucking bastards off you. On one condition... you watch that fine ass of yours, Agent Goth. You might be a genetically enhanced, but you aren't immortal."

"I never should have told you about that," Bella sighed.

"What can I say? You couldn't resist my rugged Nordic good looks," Bjorn smiled. "Watch. Your. Ass."

"Don't worry," Bella smiled. "I'm working with Felix. The only time he stops watching my ass is to look at my tits."

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Standing outside, Bella deeply breathed in the crisp October night air. With each breath, she focused on slowing her pulse, setting aside her tension, her fear, her anger. Was it ironic, she wondered, that it was Doctor Key who had taught her that particular calming exercise. 

Letting her mind drift, she slowly pulled down the rigorous mental barriers she had used to block Straud's psychic gifts. She knew she couldn't have blocked the old monster if he'd pressed, but it had been enough to confound his casual probes of her family. The headache that had been building behind her eyes all night was a small price to pay. Another trick in her arsenal courtesy of the good Doctor.

She was confident Bjorn would do what was needed to draw off Straud and his brood. It should be enough to keep the old monster out of her way for a while.

Leaving Bella to deal with the other monster on the field.

Doctor Key.

----------------------

Author's Note

Swallow - a female agent employed to seduce people for intelligence purposes... or so says the International Spy Museum website anyway, and it sounds cool.

Code 5 - Properly Code V, an Agency term for vampires which I first used on College Years, shamelessly lifted from a late '90s BBC vampire drama series Ultraviolet.

-L

The Raven's Apprentice - Chapter 16

 "My magic had awoken," Cassie said, smiling slightly at the memory. "It's strange now to think of my life without magic. Strange to remember that most people go through their lives without knowing that magic is a real and vital force in our lives, oblivious to the beings of magic that live in secret alongside them. I don't think even Carmilla, with her fascination in the occult, ghosts and vampires, really in her heart believed in them at the time (though she would never have admitted that)."

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Ophilia Villa, Willow Creek, 2000

I had believed more than most. I had performed seances with my father, heard the voices of the spirits who responded to him. I was fascinated by family stories of witches and magic, but I had always believed that that deeper magic was gone from the world, lost in an age of science and technology.

Now, I called magic, and it answered me. Ok, so I'd set fire to the room... but I was encouraged by Edwards's words. I needed to be careful, but I didn't need to be afraid.

My mother was going to teach me magic. If she had been the Raven, I thought, now I was the Raven's Apprentice.

Early the following morning, before school, I looked through the Book of Shadows and found what my mother's notes called practice exercises. 

I think, with that fire spell, she had wanted to start me out with something impressive. That's always made me wonder a little what it would have been like to learn from her in person. 

I was a little nervous. Had I really done what I thought I'd done or had the fire just been some kind of freak accident? Was any of this actually real? Was I going to burn down the house?

The centering exercise came easily. I could almost hear Gwen's voice, guiding me through it. Then, in a rush of shivering power, the magic flowed through me again. It was real (and this time I didn't start any fires)! 

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Gwen...

Even in the excitement of the night before, I hadn't forgotten my last words to her. I really owed her a big apology. Would she even listen to me? Did she hate me now? Seriously, being a teenager was not fun.

I spent my morning classes imagining nightmare scenarios in which Gwen refused to forgive me, called me a total freak and ultimately declared her undying love for Elly. I avoided my friends entirely over lunch, hiding out in the exercise room of all places, enduring Elly's jibes and trying not a fall on my face on a treadmill. 

By the end of afternoon classes, I had pretty much decided that my best option was to move to Senbamachi and live out the remainder of my days as hermit on the slopes of Mount Komorebi. I seriously considered making a break for the car after school, but I decided to just get it over with and ruin my life completely.

So, I steeled myself and intercepted Gwen on her way to the bus.

"Gwen," I said in a voice I imagine is usually reserved for last words before a firing squad, "I..."

"Oh Cas, I'm so sorry!" Gwen said tearfully, before I could say more. "I handled that all wrong. Of course I know how important your mother is to you. I totally should have..."

"No, I'm sorry!" I insisted, talking over her. "I reacted in completely the wrong way. I was just..."

"... considered your feelings," Gwen continued, "but that really was Roac's message. I thought you'd be happy... but I should have realized how hard it would be to hear."

"... so caught off guard and Edwards is right about me being emotional and," I said.

"Can you ever forgive me?" we both said at once. 

At that point, what else could we do? Laughing and crying, we all but fell into each other's arms.

Everything was alright between us again.

"So," Gwen smiled at me, "Did you find the book Roac was talking about?"

"Yes," I smiled back. "It's... Gwen, it's amazing. I want to tell you everything!"

"OK, I... oh no, the bus!" Gwen jumped suddenly. "Cas, I have to go. Lilian is waiting for me. She's taking me down to the City for a couple of days, to see the big gallery there. I'll be back for Carmilla's sleep over. I'll see you there. Tell me everything then. I l... uh... I'll see you there."

"Oh... Ok," I said. "I... I'll see you there... I guess."

------------------

Of course, now it was absolutely imperative that I convince Bella to let me go to Carmilla's sleep over.

"I mean, it's not like a party party," I explained, trying to sound as 'polite and respectful' as I could manage. "It'll just be me and my friends, hanging out..."

"All night, at Carmilla's house, with her mother out of town," Bella put in dubiously.

"Mrs. Duplantier will be there," I insisted, "and she's very responsible..."

"She's also very old," Bella pointed out, "and will probably be asleep long before your 'not-a-party' party really starts."

"It's not like we're going to have boys and a keg," I snapped before I could rein in my frustration.

Bella gave me a look that suggested that was exactly what she thought we were going to do.

"I'll consider it," Bella said. "On the following grounds - no boys, no booze or pot or God forbid anything harder."

"Bella, we don't," I started, shocked that she would even think that.

"No leaving the house," Bella continued, "and wandering over to the graveyard, or pulling Halloween pranks on the neighbors."

"Then I can go?" I asked, practically quivering.

"I'll consider it," Bella said again. 

"Forget it," I huffed. "You're just going to say no anyway. I'm just going to my room... alone, where I will live as a cloistered nun for the rest of my life."

"Cassandra," Bella said, equally exasperated.

"Let her go. She needs to cool off and you need to 'consider,'" My father said soothingly, adding to his chess partner, "Check."

"If you don't mind an old man's opinion, Bella," Count Straud put in, "I have two daughters of my own - Lilith and Marie-Belle. Head-strong and rebellious, both of them... though in very different ways. Still, sometimes we need to give our children the freedom of their little rebellions. They grow stronger for it."

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"Wait, wait, wait," Miranda said. "Count Straud? Vlad Straud? Vlad Straud, the master vampire who had just wiped-out Gwen's family and has tried to kill us all! Vlad Staud was in your living room, playing chess with your father?!" 

"Yes," Cassie nodded.

"What?" Mariah gasped.

"He and my father were good friends," Cassie said. "At the time, I had no idea he was anything but a slightly odd old man. Yes, he'd been giving me increasingly creepy looks since I'd grown boobs... but honestly, that was true of most of my father's friends. 

"Looking back, I think my father knew Vlad was a vampire," Cassie continued, "but for whatever reason he wasn't worried that his old friend might eat his family. I have no idea what Bella knew or guessed at the time. She did keep close to me whenever he was in the same room as I was, but I put that down to his creepy looks and her overprotectiveness.

"Honestly, I'm amazed that we avoided a disaster that night. If, as I now believe, Vlad was in Willow Creek looking for the daughter of Ari Silveroak, all it would have taken was one wrong word from any of us, one probing question from him, and he would have found her. If I'd just said Gwen's name out loud, he might have guessed. God, I must have been thinking of her so loudly I'm surprised he didn't pluck it from my mind. I don't know what fate or luck protected us that night, but I'm glad of it."

The Raven's Apprentice - Chapter 15

"It wasn't exactly the high point in our budding relationship," Cassie said wryly. "But, running away from the park... from Gwen and from the raven's message... I was about to learn that some things really are inescapable."

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Ophilia Villa, Willow Creek, 2000

I took a back way home from the park, wanting to avoid anyone and everyone.

Ophilia Villa is no less impressive from the back - a huge, old house of dark brick, complete with looming gargoyles, added by some ancestor of mine who clearly felt that brooding old mansion somehow wasn't sufficiently playing into the family mystique, and the tower. I thought of it as my tower, because it held the music room and above that the room my father and I used for our séances. 

Ravens were circling the tower. 

Do you know what they call a group of ravens? An unkindness. 

An unkindness of ravens circled my tower, calling out in their raucous voices, "Cas. Cas. Cas!"

How can I describe how I felt then? Cold. Numb. Afraid. 

The anger that had sent me running from the park was gone. The feeling of betrayal - that the raven had delivered my mother's long hoped for message to Gwen and not to me - flared again briefly and died, unable to endure against the summons of the Unkindness.

And it was a summons, calling me up the broad stairs that led to the family rooms, then up the narrower stairway to the attic (where Alexander and Edwards had their rooms) and to the highest tower room.

The séance room.

My father had never advertised his spiritual skills. He probably could have and been famous for them. He was as skilled and talented a medium as I have ever known, with a powerful connection to the spirits of the Netherworld. Still, he preferred his books. His powers were chiefly reserved for himself, his family and his own private insights into what lay Beyond.

He always said I had inherited his talent. That room was ours, where he taught me what he knew about the spirit world and how to reach it.

When Gwen had mentioned my mother's book, I'd known immediately what she meant. If I'd been thinking clearly, I would have remembered that Gwen couldn't have. It was something my father and I didn't talk about. 

Mother's book - my father called it her Book of Shadows - had stood in the corner of the séance room for as long as I could remember. Once when I was a little, I had tried to look in it. I remember my father had found me, laying on the ground near it and he scolded me very sternly (which was unusual for him). He said I wasn't old enough for that book. 

I had ignored it ever since, at times genuinely forgetting the significance of that dusty old book in the corner.

Now, with Unkindness still calling my name overhead, it seemed to be the only thing in the room that mattered.

Hesitating, I went to the book and looked at its pages for the first time since I was a child. Those pages were thick and old, smelling of dust and old secrets. The writing, and it was hand-written, was neat calligraphy like some medieval manuscript and decorated in the same way.

Did the Unkindness really go silent as I looked down at the book, or did I just imagine they did? I can't be sure. 

I do remember the first words that I read from that book. My eyes were drawn to the margins of the page where, like a student writing notes in the margins of a textbook, someone had added to the text. My eyes were drawn to my name. 

My dearest Cassandra, I wish with all my heart that I may yet escape the Doom that is laid on me. I wish that I could watch you grow into the brilliant young woman I know you will become, and that we may read these words together and be glad of it. But I think I cannot escape Fate, not even for my wonderful daughter. So, I leave you this book, with all my love. The secrets within are your birthright. Learn them well and become the great woman I know you will be.

- Your mother, Victoria

I turned to the main text of the page, still written in my mother's elegant hand, and read:

Here begins the First Lesson. You must find your center.

Feel the wind, blowing over you. 

Listen to the water, flowing by. 

Smell the green grass as it grows. 

Be warmed by the Sun and touch the memories of the Moon.

"That's what Gwen said," I whispered to myself. "That's the meditation her mother taught her, for her painting."

Following that came a string of words in a language I didn't know, but which seemed familiar to me, like I remembered them from a dream, Somehow, I really didn't think this was about painting.

Stepping back, I focused on the words of the mediation. Even inside, I imagined I could feel the wind, hear the water, smell the grass. 

I should have felt foolish, reciting those strange, unknown words, but I didn't. It felt as if the words were flowing through me. As if the wind and water moved with those words.

I felt wonder.

It was magic, answering my call for the very first time.

The feeling of it is almost indescribable. It is like the first time I stepped on stage and played to a cheering crowd, like the first kiss of love or the first embrace of passion. It was thrilling and frightening. It was life changing. 

Centered and full of my awakening power, I cast very my first spell.

I set fire to the séance room.

Really, my mother needed to write her instructions much more clearly. Actually telling me what the spell did before the incantation would have been helpful. (Through the whole of her Book of Shadows she never did, and I quickly learned to read all of the instructions before trying the spells.)

As the fire spread across the floor, I must have cried out because suddenly Edwards came running in. (His rooms were just across the hall, and he must have been resting before preparing dinner.) 

I just stood there dumbfounded, just watching the fire - the fire I had conjured - grow. As quickly as Edwards appeared, he dashed out again and came back with a fire extinguisher. He certainly saved the room and probably me too.

"How did that happen?" Edwards asked me, sounding more shocked than accusing. 

"I... it just..." I stammered. "I was looking in my mother's book and then the fire just started."

"Aye yes, that book," Edwards said knowingly. "I tried to dust it once, when I first started here. I had blisters on my fingers for a week. There are many strange things in this room, cher, but I think that book is the strangest."

As he spoke, I remembered suddenly being a child, my little hands blistered from where I had touched the book, while my father scolded me and told me the book was not for me. Not yet. 

Not until today. 

"I... I'm sorry," I said. "About the fire. I didn't mean to..."

"Maybe you be careful around that book in future," Edwards smiled, "and maybe we keep a fire extinguisher in here, too. Just in case."

"I wouldn't..." I started.

"Aye yes, but you didn't mean to this time either," Edwards pointed out. 'I have eyes, cher. I can read while I dust. I know that your mother meant that book for you. I think she kept it safe for you, until you were ready. You be careful with it, but don't be afraid. Never be afraid of being great."

The Raven's Apprentice - Chapter 14

"Edwards was right of course," Cassie said. "I had a lot of unresolved feelings about my mother. Being angry and suspicious about Bella's strange behavior must have seemed like a good way to hide from them. Until something happened that pushed those feelings forward."

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Magnolia Blossom Park, Willow Creek, 2000

I remember, it was the week before Halloween. We were meeting in the park - Carmilla, Molly, Gwen and me. (Yes, I'd made sure Edwards knew where I was this time.) Carmilla wanted to talk to us about Halloween. Carmilla was big on Halloween which, looking back, had helped distract me from my emotional turmoil in years past. It wasn't helping that year.

Anyway, we were just sitting around and chatting, waiting for Gwen who hadn't been on the bus...

"Ugh, that Elly is terrible," Gwen groaned expansively as she practically collapsed onto the bench next to me.

"Oh God, what happened?" I asked. "Did she make you miss the bus?"

"Yes," Gwen sighed. "Well, kind of. She cornered me on my way out and got me so upset... I just lost track of time."

"To be fair," Molly put in, "lots of things make you lose track of time."

"Well, this time it was Elly," Gwen said. 

"At my old school, I'd just challenge her to a duel," Gwen continued, "but Doug says I'm not allowed to do that. Just another one of this place's stupid rules... You can't have duels, Gwen, even with mean girls. You can't go outside with no clothes on, Gwen. You can't fly, Gwen. Why can't we fly!? I love to fly!"

"Um, physics," Molly suggested. "Can't argue with physics."

"I argue with physics all the time," Gwen said. 

"Ok, are we just going to skip over the whole 'going outside naked' part," Carmilla said, "because, Gwen, I want you to know I would be totally fine with you doing that."

"Carmilla!" I gasped, shocked and more than a little jealous that she was leering at my... friend. 

"I don't know," Gwen sighed deeply, clearly missing the point, "Lilian was pretty instant that I can't do that. She doesn't even like it when I walk around with no clothes inside the house."

"You can come over to my house," Carmilla smiled suggestively.

"Carmilla," I snarled warningly.

"I don't mean... well, OK, maybe I did, a little," Carmilla smiled at me, "but what I really mean is you should all come over. Like, for an overnight, this weekend. We can have a slumber party, like we used to."

"There's no way Bella would let me do that," I sighed. "Not with how she's been lately."

"Come on! Gramma D will be there, so you can totally tell Bella we'll have responsible, adult supervision," Carmilla said. "Except, of course, we won't because Gramma D is always asleep by sunset and my mom's in the City on some lame business trip. We'll practically have the whole house to ourselves."

"I've never been to a slumber party," Gwen mused.

"Oh, slumber parties are great," Molly said cheerfully. "Bring a sleeping bag or blankets and a pillow and..."

"Sleep, obviously," Gwen said. "It's in the name."

"Oh no," Molly shook her head. "That's the first rule of slumber parties. You never sleep."

"I'm confused again," Gwen said.

"We talk and eat pizza and listen to music," Molly smiled. "We could dance and..."

"It's a Halloween party, so we'll tell scary stories too," Carmilla added. "You've got to come."

"OK," Gwen laughed. 

"I'll talk to my father," I sighed. "Maybe he can convince Bella."

"Remember to tell him about Gramma D and the responsible adult thing," Carmilla said. "Parents always fall for that."

We all laughed. For a moment, a friendly kind of silence fell across us. I remember, I looked at Gwen, and Molly looked at Carmilla, and it seemed like everything really was OK. 

Then Carmilla's eyes went wide, looking at something behind me.

"Guys, a raven just landed on the table behind us," Carmilla said softly. "Don't startle it."

"A raven?' I said softly. I felt a chill, because Raven was my father's name for my mother.

"Ravens are so cool," Molly said.

"Ravens are wise and intelligent birds," Carmilla said in her 'occult lecture' voice. "They're deeply connected to the spirit world. They guide the spirits of the dead across... and sometimes they bring messages from the dead back to living," she added, looking significantly at Gwen. 

"If my mother had a message for me, she'd send a fairy," Gwen said, surprisingly serious. "My grandmother would probably just come herself." 

"Are you sure?" Carmilla said, a little put off by Gwen's response.

"Yes, but I'll ask," Gwen said.

To our surprise, Gwen did exactly that. 

She stood up, calmly approached the raven and started talking softly to it. We couldn't hear what she said, but she was clearly speaking to it and, even more surprising, the raven seemed to croak back, as if it was answering her.

When she was finished, Gwen took her seat beside me again... and changed my life again.

"I was right. Roac's message wasn't for me. It was for you," she said, looking at me. "He said that your mother, Victoria, had told him it was time for you to look in her book."

I don't know how to explain what I felt in that moment. A rush of excitement. A breathless moment of shock. 

Then agony, like Gwen had stabbed me through the heart with a blade of ice.

"How... how could you?!" I demanded, sudden tears burning my eyes. "How could you make fun of me like that!?"

"What?" Gwen said, shocked. 

"You know how important she is to me," I accused. "You know I've been trying to reach her spirit for years. You think this is funny!? I hate you!"

"Cas... I don't... I would never," Gwen stammered.

"I never want to see you again!" I shouted, running off.

"But... that was the message," Gwen called after me.

The Raven's Apprentice - Chapter 13

"Of course, now that I was once again convinced Bella was up to something sinister, I had to tell Gwen," Cassie said.

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Ophelia Villa, Willow Creek, 2000

The next time she came over after school, I pulled her into the kitchen and filled her in.

"... and I thought she was being nice!" I ranted. "Really, she's totally up to something. And now she's getting Mrs. Brown to help her... I mean, you need to be careful. Who knows what she might convince the Browns to do."

"I don't think Doug and Lilian would do anything bad to me," Gwen said soothingly. "They're both really nice."

"Well, I thought Bella was being nice," I put in bitterly.

"Lilian makes brownies," Gwen said serenely but firmly, "and she's teaching me about Postmodernist painting."

That seemed to settle the matter of the Browns in Gwen's mind.

"Alright, fine," I said irritably. "As long as you're sure... but I still don't trust Bella. She not just asking all these questions and hanging out around us for no reason. I'm sure she's checking up on you. I don't know why but it can't be for anything good."

Gwen did start to look concerned about that.

I know it's horrible to say, but I hadn't really noticed that Edwards was in the kitchen with us. I mean, I did really think of him as an important person in my life, a trusted friend and confidant. At the same time, he's the one who told me once that it's the sign of a good butler that you don't really notice them when they're doing their thing. Yeah, I know... horrible.

"Excuse me," Edwards put in, joining us at the table. "I don't want to be out of line here, cher, but it is almost Halloween, and you know you can get emotional at this time of year."

"I am not emotional," I huffed. "I'm angry at Bella."

"I don't understand," Gwen said, puzzled.

"Every year, near Halloween, when the walls between us and the Netherworld are thinnest, Mr. Mortimer and Cas have a big seance," Edwards explained. "They reach out to the spirit of Cas's mother, Victoria... trying to get some message from her."

"It never works," I grumbled. "And this isn't about that."

"It upsets you," Edwards said. 

"I'm fine," I lied.

"Oh, but you know what else?" I continued on my rant. "It's almost Halloween and Bella is still insisting on my stupid curfew. Who has a sunset curfew on Halloween!? I tried to tell her that she has to change it, but she won't listen."

"You mean you yelled at her about it," Edwards said.

"She was being totally unreasonable!" I insisted. 

"You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar, cher," Edwards suggested. 

"Why would you want to catch flies?" Gwen asked. "Unless you had a frog and you wanted to feed it fresh flies. Oh, we could turn Elly into a frog and feed her the flies you catch... with the honey."

"It's a saying." Edwards wasn't used to Gwen's odd tangents. "It means you're more likely to get what you want by being nice than by being angry."

"But... why flies?" Gwen asked.

I couldn't help but smile. Unfortunately, it didn't last.

"Anyway," I tried to continue. "She has all these lame reasons about not wanting me to be out too late... and how I needed to show her I could be responsible and polite and all that garbage. Like I'm not polite and responsible!" 

"Well, you were yelling at her, I guess," Gwen said.

"She's totally unreasonable," I said firmly. "And she thinks it's like dangerous for me to be out at night. What does she think... that I'm going to get attacked by some crazed trick-or-treater or something!"

"Your mother cares about you, cher," Edwards said. 

"Stepmother," I snapped.

"Stepmother, then," Edwards allowed, beginning to sound irritated with me. "She has still been a good one to you, cher, and she's a good partner to your father."

"Oh, oh, I didn't tell you!" I said suddenly. "I think she might be cheating on him!"

"Cassandra Goth," Edwards said, a hint of anger in his voice. "I will not hear this from you."

"When I was waiting to talk to her about the curfew," I pressed on, missing his warning. "I saw her on the veranda talking to some strange guy."

"Shame on you, cher," Edwards said firmly. "A woman may talk to a man without doing anything that would shame her! I make allowances for your feelings, girl, but Bella is never anything but a good wife to your father and a good mother to you and Alexander." 

"Stepmother," I said, but softly because I knew in my heart, he was right.

"Stepmother, then," Edwards repeated, making it clear what he thought. "She cares about you, regardless... and you do not honor your mother by being angry with the woman she trusted to look after you."

"She ought to be here looking after me herself," I said. Being angry meant I wasn't going to cry, damn it. "She ought to be here! Why isn't she here?"

"I don't know, cher," Edwards said gently. "I don't know."